When you saw a sexy text message pop up on your husband’s phone, you confronted him. He admitted to having an affair not just with his co-worker, but also with two other women during your 10-year-marriage. He seems genuinely remorseful, has sworn it will never happen again, and has agreed to go to couples therapy. Your friends insist you should divorce him because he’s a sex addict.
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Divorce. It is emotionally wrenching. It is physically exhausting. And, it can be financially draining. But, divorce, for all the bad it can be, can leave you a happier, healthier and all-around better person. While it may not seem so during your divorce, when the dust settles and the smoke clears, you just may find yourself in an even better place than where you were before the divorce began. Here are some ways that you find yourself better after your case is over:
Finances: Yes, you may have spent a pretty penny on your divorce proceedings, including on your divorce attorney. But, having to go through a divorce forces you to become a better budget maker and more accountable to yourself for the money you spend, especially if you were financially dependent on your ex. Now, you must learn to build your own credit, plan for expenditures and prepare for your own retirement. It is never a bad thing to become more financially savvy and fiscally responsible.
Confidence: You have been through a terrible time in your life and you have weathered the storm. You looked to yourself to find the strength to make it through, which can be especially difficult for spouses who relied emotionally on their partner for validation. Now, as you move forward with this next chapter, you move confidently, knowing that no matter what life throws at you, you can handle it on your own.
Reconnecting: Perhaps you were isolated socially during your marriage. Your old relationships with friends and family suffered and important connections that you had and relied upon were lost or strained. Now that you have moved on from your marriage, you have the time and space to reconnect with the important people in your life. You are able to dictate your own schedule and make your own plans to spend time with loved ones. You are also now able to explore new places, make new friends and forge new relationships when the time is right.
Creating New Roles: You now have the ability to create new roles in life for yourself. Of course, this is difficult for the spouse that saw their only role in life as “spouse.” It is important for you to find new niches in life and interests that drive your enthusiasm. Perhaps you always wanted to learn photography. Or, maybe you want to go back to school to complete your Master’s Degree. Looking at this time as a period of self-exploration is one way to overcome feelings of isolation and fear. Whatever it is that feeds your curiosity and fulfills you, you should explore. You never know what your new roles in life will be. Exploring untapped interests can be both a place to positively let go of the grief brought on by divorce and a way to redefine yourself.
Better Parenting: If you have kids, being divorce may just be an opportunity to become and even better parent. If you were living in a tense, hostile or unhappy home with your spouse and the children, not only did your children perceive the unhappiness, but your behavior was undoubtedly affected by the constant negativity in which you were residing. When you have a strong child custody and parenting time plan in effect, you can find yourself much less tense or agitated and you will avoid letting these negative emotions bleed through into your relationships with your kids. They will also be all that much happier to have a more centered and focused you.
According to recent Huffington Post blog on the topic, “It’s hard to get out of bed some days after divorce, let alone map out a future spent on your own. But at some point in the process, you start to realize that you’re so much more than your relationship status and that life goes on — and gets better — after divorce.”
If you are thinking about filing for divorce and want further advice or if you are in the midst of a divorce and want to learn your rights and responsibilities, please contact us to set up your free consultation with one of our compassionate and knowledgeable family law attorneys.
When divorcing spouses cannot or will not work out their differences, they may end up before the courts in a divorce trial. The trial itself often takes several days, if not weeks, and the hearings that precede the trial can take months or even years in some cases. Is there an alternative to this frequently drawn out process? Yes. It’s a way to divorce known as mediation. As a divorce process, mediation can save couples time (and money) and the stress of a divorce trial. Read more
There are many issues that can arise during your divorce, such as custody of your children, spousal support or parenting time. But, most divorcing couples also face questions about dividing up marital property in their divorce. What is fair way to divide what you have acquired? What is “pre-marital” property? What about the marital home? Read more
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Many people have terrible visions in their minds when thinking about divorce. They expect to face a scary judge and a stressful trial. The truth is that, in New Jersey, the vast majority of divorce cases settle and they settle long before a trial begins. In fact, the courts in New Jersey greatly favor people who are divorcing to settle their own issues and work together to come up with an agreement that both husband and wife can live with not only at the time the agreement is signed, but also into the future. Remember, any marital settlement agreement will follow these ex-spouses around for a long time, especially if terms of the agreement discuss children.
So, how do you successfully negotiate a martial settlement agreement? Here are a few tips to help get you to a place where you are ultimately at peace with your marital settlement agreement: Read more
Thinking about divorce is an emotionally confusing time in anyone’s life. Now, you are contemplating filing for divorce and are facing weeding through the somewhat complex laws that govern divorce in the Garden State. There is a lot of misinformation out there, to be sure. Here are a few things you may not know about divorce in New Jersey: Read more
A 2007 study by the Rand Organization found that alcoholics are more likely to get divorced than non-alcoholics. According to the research, alcohol is the primary cause of divorce in couples under thirty. The chaos caused by excessive drinking – legal trouble, job loss, financial woes, health issues – can make life with an active alcoholic feel unmanageable. As the problem drinker’s condition deteriorates, the spouse slips into perpetual crisis management mode as she struggles to maintain the family’s financial and psychological equilibrium. Are your marriage problems being fueled by alcohol addiction? Read more
We understand that big marital problems like infidelity and substance abuse can spell divorce, but it’s often the little things that can make or break a marriage. Trying to repair your relationship? If both spouses want to give their union another chance, here are a list of do’s and don’ts we’ve seen time and again help couples stay together. Read more
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