If you’re divorcing a narcissist, you probably feel like no match for their aggressive behavior. But here’s something you need to know: the qualities that make narcissists so intimidating – grandiosity, rule-breaking, bullying – are often the same traits that are the source of the narcissist’s undoing in divorce. Narcissists are prone to making mistakes through their high conflict ways, and you can use these mistakes to your advantage Here’s how…
Common Mistakes Narcissists Make In Divorce
Narcissists, by definition, are inherently unreasonable and manipulative. They also think they’re above the law, which leads them to take risks that can backfire. Here’s a list of common mistakes narcissists make during divorce.
- Hiding assets. Narcissists don’t care what’s fair. They go to great pains to hide marital assets, sometimes setting up secret accounts, “lending” money to friends, or stashing cash in safe-deposit boxes. Because they’re so grandiose, they don’t believe they’ll ever get caught.
- Playing games with child support. Narcissists don’t seem to understand that failing to pay child support in full and on time hurts the children. Their primary goal is to punish you, and what better way to do it than hurt you financially and make single parenting difficult? However, courts don’t like it when a parent uses the children as pawns to get back at an ex.
- Stalling or failing to provide documentation. Narcissists can’t stand anyone “knowing their business.” They will stall or withhold documentation, dragging out discovery as long as possible – and often angering a judge in the process.
- Refusal to negotiate. In order to negotiate, you need to be flexible in your thinking, capable of reciprocity, and able to manage emotions. None of these is the narcissist’s strong suit! Their inability to compromise can make mediation and out-of-court settlement impossible. Because judges want to know that couples have tried to mediate their differences, the narcissist’s rigidity can work against him.
- Making threats. Narcissists are bullies. They try to intimidate you by threatening to take you to court, get full child custody, or bleed you dry. They’re fond of terrorizing you via email and text because these methods give them 24/7 access to your frazzled nervous system. Make sure to save their threatening emails for evidence.
Use Narcissist Divorce Mistakes To Your Advantage
The narcissist expects you to roll over. Don’t do it. Hire a family law attorney who understands narcissist divorce. Expose the mistakes your spouse thinks he can get away with by doing the following:
- Compel them to provide information. Judges don’t like it when spouses are uncooperative. Ask the court to compel your spouse to provide the documentation he’s withholding.
- Hire a forensic accountant. If your spouse has turned hiding assets into a hobby, consider hiring a forensic accountant who’s trained to uncover financial fraud.
- Ask for fees and sanctions. Narcissists think they can get away with bad behavior. Show him there are consequences for failure to follow court orders. Ask the court to sanction your spouse for obstructing procedures or violating orders, and also pay for your attorney’s fees.
- Garnish wages. Is your spouse a child support dodger? File a motion with the court to garnish his wages. This means child support will be automatically deducted from your spouse’s paycheck so you don’t have to chase after it.
Above all, be the reasonable one. Stop expecting, or begging, the narcissist to be fair. Instead, counter their unreasonable behavior with your own steady, measured behavior. Don’t return hostility with hostility. Focus on communicating facts. Don’t accuse him or her of having a personality disorder; instead document actions that will provide evidence of your spouse’s unreasonable and unethical behavior.
Are you coping with a narcissist in your divorce? Get legal answers and start safeguarding your future today. Contact us today for a confidential consultation. Call us: 888-888-0919.