7 Infidelity Triggers And How To Circumvent Them
Infidelity doesn’t just happen; it’s a response to feelings and circumstances. Are you at risk for cheating on your spouse? Here are 7 infidelity triggers that can tell you it’s time to take a step back and work on saving your marriage.
- Cyber-flirting. Social media and dating apps have made cheating easier and quicker than in the past. Many people justify surfing dating apps and initiating sexy conversations with others via social media as acceptable because they’re “not having sex with anyone.” But let’s be real, directing your sexual energy towards someone other than your spouse erodes intimacy between the two of you and often leads to off-line affairs. Having cybersex should be a wake-up call that you need to tend to problems in your marital relationship.
- Getting too chummy with a co-worker. Are you finding excuses to chat up a colleague you find yourself drawn to on a non-platonic level — or maybe even taking the next step of going out for drinks after work? While avoiding an attractive colleague isn’t always realistic, it’s important to recognize your motivation for talking to that person, and your behavior when you do. Ask yourself if you’re feeling secretive about time spent with your co-worker. If you are, it’s a sign that you need to spend less alone time with your colleague and figure out what’s missing in your marriage to make you seek attention elsewhere. [Read more: Are you having an emotional affair?]
- Feeling unappreciated by your spouse. Does it seem as if your spouse only has time for the kids? Do you feel that you’re valued primarily for your paycheck? Feeling unappreciated is a huge trigger for infidelity but it doesn’t justify stepping out on your spouse. Take note of your resentment and find a non-confrontational way to talk to your partner about your needs. If anger and defensiveness makes it impossible to have an effective conversation on your own, it’s time to invest in some couples therapy.
- Milestone birthdays. Turning 40, 50, 60 – or any age that signals your “best years” are behind you – can trigger a desire for a new partner. But you’re not really seeking a different person; you’re craving an experience that makes you feel like a teenager again. Before you embark on an affair that could destroy your family, try injecting novelty into your life through other means: a new hobby, a trip to a distant location, even a red sports car (if you can afford it)!
- Going out of town for work. Business trips and conventions are notorious sites of extramarital hook-ups. Having sex with someone you’ll never see again, or trysting in a place where no one knows you, makes secret-keeping easy. It also makes it easy to turn one-night stands into standard practice. If you’re after the thrill of the illicit, ask your spouse to role-play a sexy blind date at a hotel. But if you’re out-of-town shenanigans are a way to avoid dealing with deeper marital issues, you need to stop running and finally face them.
- Avoiding sex with your spouse. Whether you’re the withholder, or the one doing the withholding, not having intimate relations with your spouse is an invitation to infidelity. If you and your partner aren’t connecting sexually, visit a sex therapist to explore ways to remediate your divergent libidos and preferences.
- Having a spouse with a chronic illness. If your partner suffers from a chronic illness, they may not feel like having sex for long periods of time. You may feel emotionally and physically drained by the demands of care-taking, running the house, wrangling children and working. Caretakers often feel depressed and deprived because their needs always seen to sit on the back burner. But indulging in a secret affair to help you tolerate the stress of living with chronic illness won’t solve the problem. Instead, talk to your partner about ways to stay sexually connected that take into consideration both people’s needs and desires.
Caught Cheating: Can You File For Divorce On the Grounds Of Adultery?
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