The worst thing about finding out your spouse cheated is usually not the fact that he or she has been involved with someone else. It’s knowing that you were lied to — repeatedly. Still, infidelity doesn’t have to spell the end of a marriage. If you and your spouse can work through the betrayal and establish a genuine emotional intimacy, your marriage could last and even be better than before. Here are 3 hopeful signs that you may be able to put the past behind you.
Your spouse is 100% accountable for his or her actions. Wondering if you can believe your spouse when he promises, “it’ll never happen again?” Pay attention to actions more than words. Truly remorseful people take accountability for their choices instead of offloading blame onto others. Your spouse also needs to be reliable in all areas of his life, not just sexual. For instance, if he stopped cheating, but is dodgy with finances, you still have a problem. You know you can trust your partner when he’s transparent about his actions and consistently delivers what he promises.
Your spouse’s behavior changes – for the better. Instead of being glued to their phone, or refusing to let you look at it, your spouse leaves it unattended and grants you access to check it at any time. Where they were once vague about their whereabouts, they’re now specific about plans and no longer go MIA for hours at a time. If your spouse was grumpy or distant, he or she is now pleasant and seeks contact with you. Bottom line, people can say anything, but only their actions will show you if they’re on the level.
Your spouse commits to personal growth. Whether the infidelity was a one-time thing, or part of a more pervasive pattern of sexual compulsivity, your spouse needs to figure out why he or she chose to risk your marriage and family. Your spouse’s willingness to enter individual and couples therapy, and possibly a 12-step program, is a good barometer of his or her remorse and desire to make the marriage work. If they refuse to get outside help, it’s a sign that they’re minimizing the problem, or worse, that they don’t intend to stop.
As long as the cheater takes accountability and changes their behavior, the relationship is worth saving.
If after making every concerted effort, evidence indicates that your trust as spouses is irrevocably broken, you can then proceed to divorce knowing you did everything you could to repair your marriage.
Do you have questions about your legal options after a spouse’s infidelity? Please contact us today to schedule your initial confidential consultation with one of our compassionate, highly skilled family law attorneys. Call today: 888-888-0919, or click the button below.