The task of marriage is not to avoid conflict, but to work through it in order to grow as a couple and as individuals. Problems left to fester will eventually erode a marriage. Read on to find out if yours is headed for divorce — and what you can do to keep it from going over the brink.You’ve stopped having sex with your partner. Sexual desire ebbs and flows; couples aren’t always on the same sexual wavelength. But you need to be able to navigate your differences in order to stay physically and emotionally connected. If the thought of having sex with your spouse repulses you, and/or you’re covertly getting your sexual needs met elsewhere, know this: your marriage will suffer. Be aware that your spouse can actually cite lack of sexual intimacy as grounds for divorce (“desertion”).
You’re angry with your spouse most of the time. Getting mad at your spouse from time to time is normal; perpetually marinating in a pit of venom is not. Unresolved conflict over issues like money and finances will sap any good feelings and turn a family home into a war zone. Note: If you’re on the receiving end of emotional and physical abuse, your anger is warranted and you need and deserve help. But if your anger seems to come out of nowhere, you need to take steps to manage it. Go to therapy to learn appropriate communication skills and regulate your emotions if saving your marriage is your goal.
You dread the thought of a vacation together. Do you cherish the thought of a just-friends getaway but loathe the prospect of spending a week alone with your partner? If so, take time to consider the reason why. Could it simply be that you need to have some “absence makes the heart grow fonder” time away to miss and appreciate your spouse — or are your feelings a sign that you and your spouse have stopped being marital partners and are living in the roommate zone?
There’s a lack of respect. You don’t have to agree with your partner all the time, but you do need to fundamentally respect his or her choices and values. Dismissing the other’s feelings, or worse, being openly contemptuous, can be a marriage-killer. Everyone wants to feel valued by the person they love. If you can’t change your fundamental attitude towards your partner, marriage suffers, and ultimately, can become irretrievably broken.
You don’t trust your spouse. Trust is the bedrock of any committed partnership. If your spouse has betrayed you by cheating on you, he or she is in the position of earning back your trust and you must determine if you’re willing to risk being vulnerable gain. Assuming your partner has taken accountability for their misdeeds and changed their behavior, you will need to let go of the past in order to keep your marriage together. Treating your spouse like he or she is on trial will drain all the good will and safety out of your relationship.
You don’t like your spouse. Do you cringe at your partner’s jokes? Can’t stand their friends? Find their political views deplorable? Look down on their parenting? Have a hard time thinking of any good qualities? If you can’t enjoy your spouse’s company, take time to figure out what’s really going on. Make a list of all your partner’s good qualities. Do these outweigh the cringe-worthy jokes? Then there is probably still hope for marital healing. Explore couples therapy as a way to talk through your feelings.
Your visions of the future don’t include your spouse. Many marriages end when the last child leaves the house because the kids have been the only glue holding the marriage together for years. It’s important to check in with your spouse regularly to share your visions for later life chapters. If you’re looking forward to a future that doesn’t include your partner, your lives may be taking separate paths. Take time to figure out if your paths can still merge on the road ahead.
Exploring all your options helps you know which one is right for you. Has the time come to learn more about the divorce process? For answers to all your questions, please contact us today to schedule your free attorney consultation. Call us at 888-888-0919, or please click the button below.