Will You Marry Me…And Can We Have A Prenup, Please?
With almost 50% of marriages ending in divorce, and many of those divorces leading to protracted battles over assets, having a prenup can prevent arguments should the marriage end. But how do you tell your fiancée you want one without sounding dubious about your wedding vows? Or that you love your money more than you love him? Here’s how to bring up the subject without killing the romance.
Assure your fiancée of your feelings. Begin the conversation by telling her you love her and intend to stay married till death do you part. But in the unfortunate event of divorce, having a prenuptial agreement in place will help avoid confusion. This simple preamble can make the discussion to follow feel less clinical and calculating.
Explain that you don’t want any secrets. You are not trying to get the better end of a deal. You are demonstrating your honesty by fully disclosing your assets and making a fair plan for how those assets will be affected should the marriage end.
Be fair. Your prenup is intended to avoid confusion in the event of divorce, not to leave nothing on the table for your partner. If you’re planning for your future wife – or husband – to stay home with the children, include reasonable compensation for loss of income during those years and potential difficulty re-entering the job market after divorce. For more, see our related blog: 8 Common Items Couples Include in Prenuptial Agreements.
Do not have this conversation in the bedroom! Your bedroom should be a sacred space. It is the designated spot for sexual and emotional intimacy, not business arrangements. You want to remember the good times you had there, not the (potentially) awkward conversation you had about the prospect of divorce. This is a kitchen table conversation…somewhere familiar and comfortable to you, but private and non-threatening.
Leave ample time for negotiation. Let’s face it: introducing the possibility of divorce can make both of you feel uncomfortable. So it’s understandable that your reluctance to broach the conversation can lead you to put it off. But waiting too long can make your spouse feel manipulated and blindsided. You want to make sure you both have plenty of time to consult with your attorneys and follow the necessary steps to create an enforceable document.
Ideally, the prenup should be executed before money has been spent on a venue and a wedding dress – and certainly, well before the invitations have gone out! With business out of the way, you can enjoy planning your wedding together.
Have questions about how to put a prenuptial agreement in place? Have you been asked to sign one and need legal guidance? Our experienced attorneys are here to help. Please contact us to schedule your confidential consultation.