You’ve been unhappy in your marriage for awhile, but you’re not sure if you should pull the plug and divorce. While there’s no perfect partner out there, you need someone who’s committed to working through problems. If your instinct says “it’s over,” here are some signs that you might be correct.
Your spouse won’t stop cheating. If your spouse is a chronic philanderer, his (or her) primary focus is outside the marriage. Unless he commits to change – through therapy and possibly 12-step programs – and demonstrates remorse and accountability, he’s unlikely to stop cheating. Repeated infidelity is about the pursuit of pleasure, drama, and intensity. It’s incompatible with stable, long-term relationships. Why put up with constant betrayal? You deserve someone who’s fundamentally honest and capable of genuine intimacy.
Your spouse plays dangerous games with money. Financial infidelity is similar to sexual infidelity: it involves deceit, reckless behavior, and lack of accountability. Does your spouse refuse to stick to a budget? Make big purchases without consulting you? Siphon money out of savings, max out credit cards, hide income, and take out loans without telling you? Debtors and big spenders often have impulse control disorders that require mental health intervention. If your spouse won’t get help and stick to a financial plan, bankruptcy looms. Divorce may be the only option to protect your financial future.
Your spouse is abusive. Domestic violence involves more than physical abuse. It also shows up as chronic put-downs, controlling behavior, and gaslighting (denying wrong-doing by trying to make one’s partner believe they’re crazy). Abusers also isolate their victims by trying to keep them from seeing friends and limiting their access to money. Children raised in this kind of environment may develop mental health issues and grow up to repeat toxic patterns. Contact a domestic violence hotline to plan your exit wisely.
Your spouse refuses to treat a mental illness or addiction. Would you live with a diabetic spouse who refused to take insulin? Married people with mental illness and/or addiction have a responsibility to their families to manage their conditions. If your spouse minimizes or denies the problem, you could be in for a lifetime of chaos. Tell your spouse you love him or her, but can’t tolerate their behavior. Explain that you can only remain in the marriage if they get the help they need. Be prepared to divorce if your spouse doesn’t follow through; if you threaten to leave, but don’t, you’re just inviting more broken promises.
Your spouse acts like your child, not your partner. Are you doing all the heavy lifting in the marriage? Does your spouse expect you to pick up their messes, act as their personal assistant, be a human cash dispenser, and wrangle all child-rearing tasks? Is he demanding and petulant if he doesn’t get his way, but balks at your reasonable requests? Does he fail to deliver, but doesn’t seem to care? You deserve better than to be your spouse’s parent and enabler.
Your spouse refuses to work on the marriage. Successful marriages require two people who care about each other’s well-being. If your spouse dismisses your needs and desires, she’s demonstrating that she’s not committed to your marriage. People like this lack empathy and accountability. If your spouse refuses counseling and won’t change her behavior, ask yourself why you’re staying with someone who acts like they’re not married.
We understand that you may have questions about the legal side of addiction, infidelity, marriage, and understanding your options should you decide to divorce. Our caring, compassionate family law attorneys are here to provide confidential, nonjudgmental help. Please today at 888-888-0919 to schedule your free confidential consultation, or click the button below.