Surviving the Holidays After a Divorce

For most of us, the holiday season conjures warm, fuzzy images of special meals, family gatherings, and children unwrapping presents. But what happens when divorce turns these cherished traditions upside down? If you are divorced or separated, it is all too easy for the holidays to feel lonely, stressful, and downright depressing. But it doesn’t have to! If you are newly single–with or without kids–here are some easy tips for making the post-split holidays fun and enjoyable.

1.  Prepare to Feel Emotional

Family therapists report a sharp increase in appointments with recent divorced individuals and families during the month of December. It’s little surprise why. Holidays are a unique time of the year and thinking back to all those Thanksgiving meals at your in-laws is often a potent reminder of the “good old days” before divorce. Be ready to experience a mix of emotions, from anger and resentment to jealously, depression, and sadness. Make an appointment with a therapist as needed, but in the meantime, be prepared to have an emotional reaction to everything from Christmas songs on the radio to sappy holiday TV specials. As a way to cope with post-divorce holiday depression, one divorce therapist has his clients recite: “I am human; I will probably feel sad; and I am ready!”

2. Create New Traditions

To maintain equilibrium during what can be a very difficult season, think about this first year after your divorce as a chance to celebrate the holidays in new ways, whether it is sharing a meal with friends and neighbors, volunteering, attending special holiday events in your community or place of worship, or seeing members of your own family. If you have children, keeping certain traditions–like opening presents of Christmas Day or lighting the Chanukah candles–is important for feelings of family continuity and security, of course. But establishing new rituals can be a powerful way to honor the family you are right now.

3. Don’t Be Afraid to Be Alone

If you don’t have children, or if your kids will spend the holiday with your spouse, recognize that there are worse ways to spend the holidays than by yourself. If you have the day off from work, fill the day with activities that are sure to lift your spirits. Rent a few comedies, get some exercise by going for a walk or hitting the gym, and do things that make you feel satisfied and happy, whether it’s fixing something around the house, reading, or playing with your dog.

4. Keep the Family Intact

Are you on reasonably good terms with your former spouse? If you have kids, you may want to consider spending parts of the holidays together as a way to acknowledge and honor the family that was, and most likely still remains, a huge part of your children’s memories, say family therapists. Attend your children’s holiday concerts at school together, invite him or her to come over for brunch or a gift exchange or for whatever tradition you shared as an intact family. However, don’t force it. If there is lingering hostility between the two of you, it may be best to skip the get together–and the stress and tension you would likely all feel.

5. Be Flexible

When kids are involved, try to work out holiday child custody arrangements well in advance, but stay open to making sure these plans remain what is best for your children. If this the first holiday season since your divorce, children can, depending on their age, have the same or stronger emotional reaction as grown ups when trying to cope with this new situation. It may be very important to your child to see his or her other parent on the holiday. Even if you can’t stomach the thought of sitting in the same room as your spouse, try to come up with a solution for your child’s sake. Get input from your child as to how he or she would like to spend the holidays, but to avoid disappointment or a scarring experience, do all the negotiating behind the scenes with your spouse. Bottom line, your child does not need to hear tense phone calls discussing what you will–or won’t do–during the holidays.

6. Do Something Different

Who says you need to eat cranberries and stuffing from Thanksgiving to New Year’s Eve? View this year as a way to redefine your holidays and celebrate on your own terms. Have you always wanted to go to a yoga retreat? Travel to a warm destination in the middle of December? Be a ski bum for the week? If you are newly single, and the thought of being around your married friends and family members just seems like too much, considering setting out on your own. You may be surprised by the number of other singles you meet and how much fun having a non-holiday can be. If you have other single or newly divorced friends, invite them along for an adventurous kick off to your new life.

7. Greet Your New Life

If your annual holiday greeting card was accompanied by a family portrait, photos of the kids, and a letter running down the highlights of your year, there is no reason not to continue with this tradition. Have a friend take a great photo of just you (or you and your kids) having fun and include it in this year’s mailing. This simple gesture can be a wonderful gift to friends and family to let them know that you are surviving–and thriving–in your post-divorce life.

If you find that you need help managing child custody issues or post-divorce matters this holiday season, please call us at (973) 520-8822 or fill out our online form to schedule a consultation.

Post-Divorce Increase in Income Impacts New Ruling on Spousal Support Calculations in Jersey

Has your spouse received a large raise at work since the two of you split? If you are seeking alimony as part of your divorce settlement, take note of this recent post-complaint ruling in New Jersey: a breadwinner’s increase in income following a marital separation or divorce may be used in spousal support calculations, especially if the spouse seeking support helped to make the earner’s success possible, according to Ocean County Superior Court Judge Lawrence Jones.

The ruling was handed down in Dudas v. Dudas, a divorce case that involved spousal support calculations at the end of the 26-year marriage of James and Pamela Dudas, reports the New Jersey Law Journal. James Dudas, the main breadwinner and an auto parts salesman, earned an average annual income of about $40,000 leading up to the couple’s 2007 split. In 2008, the year Pamela filed for divorce, James suddenly began earning much more money. In 2009, he took home $64,000, in 2010, $76,000; and in 2011, a projected $68,000.

Pamela was a stay-at-home mom for much of the marriage, with occasional jobs that rarely netted more than $18,000 per year. When Pamela requested that spousal support take into consideration her estranged husband’s higher income levels, James argued that alimony should be based on what he was earning when he and Pamela separated. Judge Jones sided with Pamela, finding that Pamela had provided James with a springboard for future success by maintaining a strong and stable household and working outside the home to support James when he tried, unsuccessfully, to start his own business.

“While on the surface there may appear to be logic and an attractive simplicity to defendant’s position, the financial complexities of divorce weigh heavily against completely excluding defendant’s post-complaint income from consideration in the alimony analysis,” Judge Jones wrote.

For Jones, the case boiled down to a question of equity — the goal of which is to enable both parties to enjoy a lifestyle as close as possible to the lifestyle they had during marriage; Jones reached the conclusion that recent successes that occur after a marriage separation and during the divorce process should not be ignored.

Post-divorce matters may warrant changes in your initial divorce agreement related to alimony as was the case in the recent Dudas divorce case or other modifications. To find out more about post-divorce changes for alimony or other New Jersey family law matters, just call us at (973) 520-8822 or consider scheduling a consultation online to discuss your specific situation.

Sources:
New Jersey Law Journal – Spike in Income After Marital Split Can Be Factored Into Alimony Determination:http://www.law.com/jsp/nj/PubArticleNJ.jsp?id=1202521259101&slreturn=1

Divorce 101 – Live & In-Person Q&A – Paramus, Bergen County, NJ

DIVORCE 101

FACTS AND MYTHS OF DIVORCE DISCUSSION EVENT
Location: The Paramus Corporate Center – Bergen County – New Jersey

Weinberger Divorce & Family Law Group would like to invite you to join us for a local panel discussion.  Learn the basics of divorce and how to begin.

Featured Guest Speaker:
Erin Schneiderman - Associate at Weinberger Divorce & Family Law Group
Erin Brueche, Esq.
Associate with Weinberger Divorce & Family Law Group, L.L.C.

Gain valuable information regarding many important and misunderstood facts surrounding divorce.
This event will answer critical questions such as:

  • How do I protect my children?
  • How long will my divorce take?
  • Can I refinance my mortgage?
  • Can I sell my home in this economy?
  • How can I protect my money?

Have your questions answered by a team of professionals including a divorce attorney, financial advisor, real estate agent, mortgage specialist and insurance professional.

When: Thursday, October 6, 2011
Where: Wells Fargo Bank
The Paramus Corporate Center
95 Route 17 South 2nd Floor
Paramus, NJ 07652
Time: 7:00pm – 8:30pm

*Seating is limited  – Kindly RSVP by Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Call Jeanette at Weinberger Divorce & Family Law Group (973) 520-8822

IRS Amends Tax Law to Help ‘Innocent Spouse’ Relief

Good news for those seeking “innocent spouse” tax relief from the IRS. Effective July 25, 2011, the agency will no longer enforce a rule that required taxpayers to file for innocent spouse status within a two-year time limit — a controversial provision that some lawmakers and tax experts said unfairly denied certain people who may have otherwise qualified, including victims of domestic violence or abuse. The policy change to the current tax law not only applies to those who file future claims but also to some taxpayers whose claims were rejected in the past.

IRS has required taxpayers to file for relief within two years after a collection notice. The deadline has prevented taxpayers who were in-the-dark about their spouse’s tax debts from seeking relief, the IRS taxpayer advocate and legal aid attorneys said.

“This change is a dramatic step to improve our process to make it fairer for an important group of taxpayers,” IRS Commissioner Doug Shulman said in an agency news release. “We know these are difficult situations for people to face, and today’s change will help innocent spouses victimized in the past, present and the future.”

An “innocent spouse” is a taxpayer who did not know and did not have reason to know that his or her spouse understated or underpaid their income tax liability. If a taxpayer meets certain qualifications as an innocent spouse, the IRS may suspend all tax liability or only hold the innocent spouse responsible for their share of the tax bill. The new change affects taxpayers applying for equitable relief, a category open to taxpayers who don’t meet strict requirements of other provisions in the innocent spouse law.

Why more time? As Washington Post columnist Michelle Singletary asked in her recent piece on the rule changes, what if a spouse was being abused or bullied and, although she may have known about the collection effort, was too afraid of her abuser to take action under after a separation or divorce? Under the former IRS provisions, it didn’t matter. She had to file within two years or was out of luck.

Singletary points out that dozens of members of Congress had been pushing for a policy revision on innocent spouse relief, likely a motivating force behind the agency’s sudden change of heart. Earlier this year, Nina Olson, U.S. National Taxpayer Advocate, had named elimination of the two-year rule one of her top legislative recommendations to Congress.

So what you should expect? Key changes for taxpayers include:

  • The IRS will no longer apply the two-year limit to new equitable relief requests or requests currently being considered by the agency.
  • A taxpayer whose equitable relief request was previously denied solely due to the two-year limit may reapply using IRS Form 8857: http://www.irs.gov/pub/irs-pdf/f8857.pdf, Request for Innocent Spouse Relief, if the collection statute of limitations for the tax years involved has not expired.
  • The IRS will not apply the two-year limit in any pending litigation involving equitable relief, and where litigation is final, the agency will suspend collection action under certain circumstances.

According to a report in the Wall Street Journal, the IRS receives about 50,000 requests for innocent spouse relief per year, although the number of actual taxpayers is smaller because a taxpayer often requests relief for more than one year. The majority of appeals are filed by women.

Details on innocent spouse relief can be found in IRS Notice 2011-70: http://www.irs.gov/pub/irs-drop/n-11-70.pdf

Sources:
Internal Revenue Service info:
IRS
Washington Post article:
http://www.washingtonpost.com/business/economy/irs-does-the-right-thing-for-the-innocent-spouse/2011/07/27/gIQAvn3VdI_story.html
Wall Street Journal report:
http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424053111904772304576468413081448544.html

3 Tips Regarding an NJ Uncontested Divorce

When it comes to getting an uncontested divorce, many people believe that it is as simple as someone filing, waiting a short period of time, receiving your divorce decree, and then it is all over. While an New Jersey uncontested divorce is usually easier to obtain than a contested one, it does not mean that it is necessarily a walk in the park.
Here are three important tips that those seeking an uncontested divorce in New Jersey should keep in mind, including:

  • Be patient. A divorce that is uncontested usually means that it will not take you as long to reach a final resolution. But that doesn’t mean it is going to happen overnight. There is still a legal process that needs to be followed and worked through.
  • You must still identify grounds for divorce. Contrary to popular belief, you still need to have “grounds” for an uncontested divorce. Even with both parties agreeing to dissolve the relationship, you will need to qualify for one of the legal grounds for getting a divorce, which, for uncontested matters, generally includes irreconcilable differences or 18 months of physical separation.
  • Disputed issues may exist. Even with both parties agreeing to an uncontested divorce, there are still legal issues that will need to be sorted out. Just about every couple has to decide the following issues: alimony, child custody, visitation, child support, and division of assets. .

If you decide to pursue an NJ uncontested divorce , you should work with a highly qualified family law attorney. By doing so, you are ensuring your case will be handled in a professional and expedient manner. At Weinberger Divorce & Family Law Group, LLC, our practice is dedicated to providing New Jersey legal support for divorce cases.

Division of Assets in New Jersey Divorce Law

New Jersey divorce law follows a theory of equitable distribution when dividing up marital assets. It’s important to understand that equitable does not necessarily mean equal, as in 50-50. Once all assets are valued, the court will strive for a “fair, but not necessarily equal, division” of marital property.

The law views marriage as a shared enterprise, and deems property acquired by either spouse during the marriage to be jointly owned.  Generally, property owned prior to the marriage, and third party gifts and inheritance received during the marriage, are exempt from marital property (unless the property has been since transferred into joint ownership).  The burden is the party wanting to exempt an item to show exempt status.

Those are the theories, but in practice many grey areas arise. In the case of certain property previously owned by one person and that remains solely in their name – such as the house or retirement funds – it can be shown that the other spouse is entitled to a fair share of the appreciation value during the marriage.

The court will examine several factors, including: (1) the length of marriage; (2) the standard of living during the marriage; (3) the economic circumstances of each party; (4) the age and health of the parties at divorce.

While each item’s history and use is relevant, so can be the parties’ current ages and relative economic positions.  At the Weinberger Divorce & Family Law Group, each of our attorneys is experienced) in New Jersey divorce law. We know how the courts interpret the equitable distribution statute and can help you receive your fair share of assets to secure your future.

New Jersey Divorce the Only Viable Option for Many

Few people get married with one eye set on divorce in the future. It’s something that most of us don’t even like to think about. Marriage can take couples down paths that twist and turn and may even cause them to grow apart. As time goes on, circumstances can change, and getting a legal New Jersey divorce may become the only viable option for a couple to make.

Getting a divorce is not a decision that anyone should take lightly. Lives may change in dramatically different ways. Yet those different paths often become a blessing in disguise for couples who have tried to keep it together, to no avail. For many, divorce becomes a fact of life that needs to be handled in a compassionate and understanding manner.

Those seeking a New Jersey divorce will need to work with an attorney throughout the process. When it comes to choosing the right attorney, it is important to go with one who understands you and the challenges you are going through, and who will be patient and caring enough to help you through this time, standing by you every step of the way.

You may be going through a difficult time, but when you have someone by your side that has the expertise, experience and compassion to guide you through the process of obtaining a New Jersey divorce, you will feel better. Contact Weinberger Divorce & Family Law Group, LLC, we are here to help

Comparing Divorce in New Jersey to the Rest of the Country

Do 50% of marriages really end with a divorce in New Jersey?  For years now, that’s the statistic we’ve been fed: 50% of marriages end in divorce.  But doesn’t that seem a bit broad?  Is the outcome of your marriage really the same as flipping a coin? 50% seems like a cop-out.  It seems like a lack of thorough research. 50% seems like someone took the number of reported marriages and the number of reported divorces and did some simple division, which, by the way, is exactly what they did.

The 50% statistic in no way indicates divorce trends in the U.S. This statistic is derived from the total number of marriages and divorces over the past 30 years or so.  Isn’t it possible for divorce in New Jersey and in the rest of the country to have slowed down?

Furthermore, isn’t it possible for there to be less, or more, divorce in New Jersey than in, say, Wyoming?  While, yes, a marriage is still a marriage, it’s probably safe to assume life in Wyoming isn’t the same as life in New Jersey.  So, let’s take a look at some more accurate statistics.

The divorce rate per 1,000 married women sank to 16.4 in 2009 from 16.9 the year before and a far cry from 22.6 in 1980, according to an analysis of the data from the National Marriage Project at the University of Virginia.

Let’s see where the rate for divorce in New Jersey falls.  Here is a list of the states with the lowest divorce rates per 1,000 people.

1.       Massachusetts                                  1.8

2.       District of Columbia                         2.1

3.       Pennsylvania                                    2.3

4.       Iowa                                                   2.5

5.       New York                                          2.5

6.       North Dakota                                    2.5

7.       South Carolina                                   2.6

8.       Illinois                                                 2.6

9.       Maryland                                            2.8

10.   Minnesota                                            2.8

11.   New Jersey                                          2.8