One of the most difficult tasks of divorce is telling your children you’re splitting up. Before you sit down to give them the news, it’s important to anticipate questions they might have and be prepared for how to answer them. Read more
Up to 25% of children whose parents divorce have emotional and behavioral difficulties, as compared to 10% of children from intact homes. How do you know if your child is one of the 25% — and how do you help him? Read more
Holidays can be a challenging time for divorced families especially when people crave glowing, Norman Rockwell-type gatherings. It can be upsetting having to split holiday time with your ex and knowing that the person passing the gravy to your kids is not you, but your ex’s new partner.
These experiences, combined with the cultural expectation to have a Hallmark holiday, can send divorced parents into emotional overload. So how do you keep your charged feelings from spilling over onto your kids? Especially at handover time, which can seem like traversing an emotional minefield? Here are some tips for managing holiday drop-offs with true co-parenting finesse. Read more
Now that you’ve decided to get a divorce, it’s time to tell your kids. Keep in mind: small children are at a developmental stage when they need object constancy. They need to know that even though you aren’t with them everyday, you are still their parent, and they are going to see you on a regular basis. Although you’re faced with a conversation no parent wants to have, there are things you can do to provide reassurance and answer your child’s questions in a developmentally appropriate way. Read more
There’s no easy way to tell your kids that life, as they know it, is about to change forever. But there are some ways to make the experience as gentle as possible. How can help your children feel secure and loved during this transition? Here are five things to say, or not say, when you explain to your kids that you’re divorcing. Read more
Parenting time plans developed during a child’s early years may need to be adjusted as a child matures, particularly during adolescence. The 3-year-old who clung to his mother’s legs when Dad arrived for visitation may decide he wants to spend most, or even all of his time with his father as he nears legal adulthood. How are an older child’s preferences taken into account when making child custody decisions? Read more
Studies show that it’s not divorce in itself that hurts kids in the long-term; it’s the level conflict that lingers between parents. Being successful at the job of being a divorced parent requires finding ways to deal with any contempt for or anger towards your ex, and support your children’s relationship with their other parent. If your former spouse cheated on you or walked out on you for any number of reasons, you may still be in bad place of deep hurt. However, unless your child’s other parent is abusive or there is a legitimate issue that renders your former spouse unable to parent (a mental illness or substance abuse issue that impairs their daily functioning), learning how to manage your feelings about him or her so they don’t bleed over onto your kids is a co-parenting must. Read on for some helpful tips on how to get yourself to a better place. Read more
The New Jersey Supreme Court recently issued a decision in two consolidated cases, H.S.P. v. J.K. and K.G. v. M.S., clarifying the role of family courts in special immigration juvenile status (SIJS) cases. This opinion brings attention to the grave circumstances that can drive families to send their children on perilous journeys across international borders, and discusses the legal process involved in seeking one potential avenue for such children to establish legal residency in the United States. If you are the parent, relative, or friend of one of these children, this information may be of great value. Read more
Co-parenting, viewed by therapists and family law professionals as the gold standard for post-divorce parenting, works when both parents are willing and able to set aside their personal grievances and support their child’s relationship with the other parent. To do this, both parents need to be able to communicate calmly, follow the conditions of the custody and child support order, and agree on a plethora of child-related issues such as medical care, education, religious training, and discipline.
Negotiating child rearing is a tall order, even for two people who love each other. It’s an even taller order for two reasonably well-adjusted people whose irreconcilable differences have led them to end their marriage. But if both people are determined to keep their children off the battleground of their divorce, they can usually learn the skills necessary to become successful co-parents.
High-conflict personalities, however, frequently lack the motivation to co-parent because, by definition, they are unable to work through their anger at the other party. Read more
The New Jersey Law Journal has just published an article by attorney Bari Weinberger discussing how laws that attempt to protect children can impact a parent’s right to make decisions. “Free range parenting,” Weinberger explains, “is a term coined in reaction to what some consider to be a recent trend toward over-protectiveness of children. Free range parents perceive this over-protectiveness, sometimes called “helicopter-parenting,” as a futile attempt to protect children from every conceivable risk of harm, potentially at the expense of a child’s development of age-appropriate independence.” Read more
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