I Suspect My Spouse Is Cheating On Me: Where Do I Begin?
Suspecting your spouse’s infidelity is a stomach-lurching moment in any marriage. If your suspicions prove correct, rebuilding trust and deciding whether to stay or go may be a long process. So what do you do if your gut tells you your partner is cheating? Read on for tips on navigating this difficult journey.
Know the common signs of infidelity
You don’t have solid evidence (an explicit text thread, overhearing a conversation, a tip-off from a third party), yet your intuition tells you something’s not right. Signs that your spouse is cheating can include:
- Disinterest in physical intimacy
- Never letting their phone out of their site (they take their phone everywhere, including the bathroom)
- A sudden change in appearance (dressing up, losing weight, working out)
- Going MIA for chunks of time
- Irritability and mood swings
- Out-of-the-ordinary gifts or showy displays of affection (to assuage guilt)
- Making you feel guilty when you ask if they’re cheating
- Not directly answering your question when you ask, i.e., “I’m too busy for an affair!”
- Removing social media passwords from shared saved log ins (i.e., you both had your passwords saved on all family computers; now their log in information has been removed)
- They take out a separate phone plan or you catch sight of a “burner phone”
- You see odd or unexplained charges on credit card accounts for restaurants, stores, or hotels or AirB&B.com, or other unusual charges.
How to confront your spouse
Be direct and explain why you suspect infidelity. For example: “It’s unlike you to be incommunicado for hours, and I’ve noticed you never put your phone down. This makes me wonder if you’re cheating, and I want a yes or no answer: are you?” Although it may be scary to have this conversation, turning a blind eye will enable your spouse to act out.
How to know if you can trust your spouse
While some cheaters are convincing liars, others do and say things that may leave you feeling confused. Signs that your spouse may be lying about infidelity include:
- Giving a long-winded answer to your question; offering more information than needed.
- Gaslighting language and behaviors: “I can’t believe you think I would do that!”; giving you the silent treatment for daring to question them so that you feel guilty.
- Refusing to let you look at their phone – and blaming you for being “intrusive.”
Consult with a divorce attorney first
The goal of consulting with an attorney is not to immediately threaten divorce; it’s to gather information that will help you feel prepared if you decide to file. What will a divorce mean for your financial picture? What kind of custody arrangement can you expect? Can you afford to keep the family home? You must be sure that you’re ready to proceed with divorce before you tell your spouse you want one; otherwise, an empty threat will just signal to your partner that they don’t have to take you seriously.
Bottom line: confronting your spouse about their possible infidelity should provide clarity. If, after your conversation, you feel confused and, even more suspicious, listen to your intuition.
Do you have questions about your legal options after a spouse’s infidelity? Please contact us today to schedule your confidential consultation with one of our compassionate, highly skilled family law attorneys. Call today: 888-888-0919, or click the button below.
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