How To Ask Your Fiancé For a Prenup
Worried that asking your fiancé for a prenup will kill the romance? Or, worse, end the relationship? While it’s not an easy conversation, there are ways to talk about a prenuptial agreement that will open the lines of communication and bring the two of you closer together. Done right, a prenup can actually help prevent disagreements during the marriage by clarifying expectations.
Read on for some guidelines to keep in mind when asking your fiancé for a prenup.
Explain the purpose. Assure your partner that the prenup is not intended to be a one-sided document; it exists to reflect the concerns of both parties. While your fiancé may not be entering the marriage with significant separate property, he or she has a right to expect reciprocity during the marriage. Your partner may ask for a specific amount of money deposited into a joint checking account or retirement account in their name. Encourage your fiancé to make requests and do your best to incorporate his or her desires during the negotiation.
Introduce the topic well ahead of the wedding. Waiting until after the invitations have gone out to present your fiancé with a prenup will likely shatter trust and good will, and possibly break the engagement. Ideally, you should introduce the topic even before you get engaged, so that your partner has time to get used to the idea and consult with an attorney in an unhurried manner. With the prenup out of the way, you’ll get excited about embarking on this new phase of your life and be better able to enjoy the wedding festivities.
Don’t blame the prenup on your parents. Even if your parents are the ones insisting on a prenup, you must accept responsibility for asking your fiancé to sign one. Shifting blame onto Mom and Dad sets up a toxic triangle: your partner may harbor anger at your parents and be frustrated that you’re taking their “side.” If you’re mature enough to get married, be the grown-up that you are and leave your parents out of the prenup conversation.
Be collaborative. When it comes to prenuptial agreements, negotiating should not be about one person leaving nothing on the table for the other.If you approach the prenup as an issue you need to work through together, your fiancé will feel more empowered instead of feeling that something is being foisted upon them. Instead of focusing on protecting your interests, try to come up with terms that accommodate both your needs. If you see each other as teammates instead of foes, you’ll have an easier time navigating differences.
The process of creating a prenup may feel daunting at first, but it also has potential benefits. It opens up conversations about needs and expectations, fosters communication, and helps couples practice conflict resolution – all essential ingredients in a successful marriage.
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