If your ex’s behavior has left you hurt and angry, you may be tempted to overshare details of your divorce. However, posting the news across social media channels, or even venting to friends, can heighten your anxiety and increase conflict between you and your ex. Before you decide to air your marital dirty laundry, consider the benefits of keeping your divorce private.
Protect your kids. Put yourself in your children’s position: how would they feel if they read or overheard details of your divorce? You may loathe your former spouse, but your kids probably do not, and they deserve to have a healthy relationship with their other parent. Remember that you’re a role model: you don’t want your kids replicating high-conflict behavior or eventually losing respect for you because of the way you handled the divorce.
Protect your co-parenting relationship. Co-parenting is challenging enough without your ex finding out you’ve been bad-mouthing them or divulging details they hoped would be kept private. If your co-parent is driving you crazy, resist the urge to unload on Facebook – you don’t know which of your social media “friends” might send a screenshot to your ex – and seek support from a divorce therapist instead. Plus, this type of behavior doesn’t sit well with most judges. If you are in the midst of a contested custody case and screenshots of your bad mouthing surface, there could be legal consequences.
Strive for a good settlement. Thinking about sharing photos of your adoring new partner? Or the fabulous brunch you had on a weekend getaway with friends? Don’t! Your amicable divorce settlement could turn ugly overnight if your STBX finds out. Wait until your divorce is final before you go public with your new life – and if you want to stay on good terms with your ex, don’t gloat! And…in some cases, photos of a lavish lifestyle (even if it’s all just smoke and mirrors for Facebook!) could land you back in court over accusations of hidden assets or a spouse wanting to terminate alimony.
Keep your feelings in check. Most people need a shoulder to lean on during divorce – especially if they’ve been hurt by a partner’s behavior. Be aware, however, that confiding in friends and family could actually make you feel worse. If your loved ones hate your ex more than you do, or project their own fears onto you, they will just exacerbate your turbulent emotions. A better way to manage your stress is to limit your venting sessions to one or two level-headed confidantes. In general, spending a lot of time on social media can lead to feelings of depression, so consider sticking with a few close “real world” friends over virtual ones.
Maintain boundaries. Unloading to friends and acquaintances might feel good in the moment, but could alienate others in the long term. People are usually uncomfortable when they’re put in the middle, and feel awkward knowing about your personal business – especially when they haven’t asked. You don’t need to suffer in silence, but choose someone who’s unlikely to blab.
Handle adversity with grace. Imagine that you’re watching a movie about your divorce. What would you want your viewers to see? A main character that struggles with boundaries? Or one who models dignity and resilience by taking appropriate steps to manage a difficult situation and move on? You don’t want to look back with regret at things you shared, or the ways you acted, when you were in the throes of divorce drama.
A final note: people often think that “venting” is a good way to rid themselves of unpleasant feelings. But the opposite is true: focusing on negative circumstances and emotions just amplifies them. You will feel much more in control, and are likelier to have a better divorce, if you keep the details of your split private.
Learn more about mediation, the divorce process that keeps all your details private. Mediation is less costly, less stressful and much faster compared to divorce court litigation. Get in touch with today to schedule an initial virtual consultation with one of our family law attorneys and lean about your best options. Start safeguarding your future today. Call us at 888-888-0919, or please click the button below.
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