20 Signs You’re Married To A Narcissist

Is your spouse simply charming and confident? Or are these personality traits signs of something darker? Read on to find out if you might be married to a narcissist.

  1. They gaslight. Your spouse denies your reality. They’re clearly keeping secrets, but tell that you’re the one who is paranoid. They hurt your feelings, then explain in great detail why they didn’t. You don’t trust your own opinions anymore, and sometimes you feel like you’re going crazy.
  2. They can’t empathize. Your spouse seems to have ice running through their veins. You could be writhing in pain on the floor and they would step over you on her way to the kitchen and tell you to stop acting like a baby. You’ve quit going to them for comfort, because they can’t offer any.
  3. They’re grandiose. A narcissist thinks they’re the biggest rooster in the barn. Anything they do is the most fabulous, amazing achievement ever. Their unchecked ego alienates others, but they don’t seem to notice, or care.
  4. They’re aggressive. The narcissist has no compunction bulldozing over people to get their way. They yell, belittle, threaten, and perhaps, physically abusive. They remind you of a terrorist, whose interactional style is to intimidate others.
  5. They’re victimizers, but act like victims. They love to dish it out, but can’t take it. They exploit others, and then is easily wounded when someone disagrees with them, or does something they don’t like.
  6. They’re charmers – until they’re not. They turn on the charm in public, then instantly revert to their difficult self when the “important people” aren’t around. You used to find their sparkly demeanor alluring, but now you find it disingenuous.
  7. They objectify the kids. The narcissist needs to see the children as exceptional beings that reflect their greatness. If the kids deviate from the path the narcissist has in mind for them, the relationship is over. He loves the kids very conditionally, and demands reverence from them.
  8. They can’t apologize. Nothing is ever their fault, even when it is. They refuse to say they’re sorry, but expect you to grovel for forgiveness.
  9. They fault-find. No one lives up to the narcissist’s standards, especially you. You feel like your spouse is always scrutinizing you, and lambastes you for minor flaws. Once upon a time, you felt pretty good about yourself, but marriage to your narcissist has squashed your self-esteem.
  10. They’re chronic cheaters. You were devastated to learn of their infidelity, but you also weren’t surprised; they have a long history of cheating on past partners. Worse yet, they deflect responsibility for their actions by blaming you for the fact that they were unfaithful.
  11. They lack accountability. Even when they’re clearly in the wrong, they won’t take responsibility for their behavior. When you call them out on their failure to honor their commitments, they complain that you’re hen-pecking.
  12. They’re attention-seeking. It doesn’t matter if it’s positive or negative attention; they’re not happy unless they’re in the spotlight.
  13. They treat you better in public. The narcissist lavishes praise and affection on you and the kids when others are around. They thrive on maintaining the image of a perfect family. But once you’re out of the public eye, they ignore you all since you’re no longer serving a purpose.
  14. They treat you like The Help. You may be the narcissist’s spouse, but you feel more like their personal assistant. They act like they’re above you, and you should do their bidding, without question.
  15. They lack remorse. The narcissist does things that hurt people, and doesn’t feel guilty. In fact, when you explain the impact of their behavior on you, the narcissist feels insulted that you dare say they did anything wrong.
  16. They’re entitled. The narcissist acts like a diva: demanding, arrogant, privileged. They insist on having anything they want because, as the narcissist believes, they’re special.
  17. They create drama. The narcissist stirs up chaos and drama with their outsize ego and extreme behaviors. When you first met, being around them was exciting; now, it’s exhausting, and often embarrassing.
  18. They’re black-and-white thinkers. The narcissist doesn’t see shades of gray. People are either all good (the ones on their side) or all bad (the ones not on their side).
  19. They’re not interested in your needs and feelings. When you tell the narcissist how you feel, they explain to you why you’re wrong. When you express basic needs, they tell you you’re too demanding. You’ve grown so weary of trying to get them to see your POV that you avoid important conversations.

And… 20. They lie. Whether the narcissist is embellishing or downright lying, they just can’t stick to facts. You’re not sure if your spouse us aware they’re messing with the truth, or if they believe their own lies.

Read more: 

6 Mistakes To Avoid When Divorcing A Narcissist

How To Get A Narcissist To Reveal Themselves

Divorcing a Narcissist: 5 Strategies for Getting Through It

5 Ways to Safeguard Yourself After Divorcing A Narcissist

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