TL;DR: Negotiating Holiday Parenting Time Schedules In Divorce
Holiday co-parenting doesn’t have to be stressful. Start planning early, review or update your existing parenting plan, and choose a holiday schedule—alternating holidays, splitting the day, or dividing traditions—that feels fair and supports your child’s needs. Put every agreement in writing, build in flexibility for travel or unexpected changes, and focus on preserving the spirit of the season for your children.
If you need help negotiating or revising your holiday parenting schedule, our family law attorneys can guide you toward a plan that works for everyone. Request a consultation today.
For divorced or separated parents, the holiday season can be challenging. Between competing family gatherings, travel plans, and children’s expectations, it’s easy for emotions to run high.
Fortunately, a well-thought-out holiday parenting schedule can make all the difference. With clear planning and goodwill, you can create a structure that gives your children stability and allows both parents to share in the joy of the season. Whether you are creating a holiday co-parenting schedule for the first time in 2025, or wish to revisit the plan you currently follow to get more time with your kids, here are our top tips for making your holiday parenting plan work smoothly — for everyone.
1. Start the Conversation Early
The earlier you begin discussing holiday plans, the better. September and October are ideal months to open the conversation, but even early November gives you enough time to iron out details without last-minute pressure.
Your goal should be to have a written, mutually agreed-upon plan outlining:
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Where your children will spend each major holiday
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Exact pick-up and drop-off times
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Transportation arrangements
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Any travel needs (such as flights, long car trips, or extended family visits)
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Special considerations such as religious observances, dietary needs, or longstanding family traditions
If you have an existing parenting plan, review it together and note what’s already outlined. Generally, as long you both agree, both you and your co-parent are free to modify it if it no longer fits your children’s needs or your family’s current circumstances.
2. Alternate Holidays or Split the Day
There is no single “right” way to share holiday time. The key is choosing a structure that feels fair, consistent, and manageable for both households.
Common approaches include:
Alternating holidays each year: One parent gets Thanksgiving in even-numbered years and the other gets it in odd-numbered years; similarly for Christmas, Hanukkah, New Year’s, Easter, Eid, etc.
Splitting the holiday: One parent has Christmas Eve and the other has Christmas Day. Or one parent has Thanksgiving morning while the other has the afternoon and evening. For Hanukkah, some families divide the eight nights evenly.
Celebrating on different days: If distance or travel makes same-day exchanges difficult, families often celebrate a holiday “early” or “late” so both households get meaningful time.
Using long-weekends creatively: If a holiday falls on a Thursday, consider including the attached weekend to minimize transitions.
Tip: Remember to account for geographic distance, traffic patterns, weather concerns, and each parent’s work schedule. Always include specific start and end times and state clearly who is responsible for transportation. When expectations are set in advance, conflict tends to fade.
3. Keep Your Children’s Needs Front and Center
Holidays are for children, so as you begin to make decisions, view the holidays through their eyes. Maybe your child loves Grandma’s Christmas breakfast at your mother-in-law’s house, or the candle lighting at your synagogue with your extended family. As you make your schedule, finding ways to preserve those moments gives children a sense of comfort and continuity, even if it means some added negotiations for parents.
Children adjust best when parents work together. Showing your kids that you can both be kind and cooperative — even when apart — is one of the most meaningful gifts you can give them.
4. Be Flexible and Willing to Trade
No schedule is perfect. Life happens — flights get delayed, relatives visit unexpectedly, kids get sick, and traffic can derail even the most careful plans.
A willingness to be flexible goes a long way. For example:
- If your ex’s family is visiting from out of state for one day, consider swapping or shifting time.
- If your child has a holiday performance or event that falls on “your” day, support their participation even if it benefits the other parent.
- If bad weather makes travel unsafe, prioritize your child’s safety over the parenting calendar.
- Keeping score only breeds resentment. Instead, view flexibility as an investment in long-term cooperation.
Being gracious today often results in greater cooperation from your co-parent when you need a favor later. For more tips, see our companion blog on 6 tips to get more holiday time with your kids.
5. Put Everything in Writing
Verbal agreements are easy to forget or misinterpret — especially during a busy season. Once you’ve finalized your schedule, put it in writing.
A written holiday plan should include:
- Exact dates and times
- Exchange locations
- Travel responsibilities
- Any special agreements (early gifts, virtual calls, sleep schedules, etc.)
Ideally, include the holiday schedule as an addendum to your parenting plan so it is enforceable if needed. If your current plan is outdated or regularly leads to disagreement, a mediator or family law attorney can help you create a more detailed, conflict-reducing schedule.
6. Focus on the Spirit of the Season
Holidays are about gratitude, love, and connection. While co-parenting during the holidays isn’t always easy, remember that your children will remember the feeling of peace and happiness far more than the logistics of who had which day. A spirit of generosity — with your time, words, and cooperation — sets the tone for future years.
Need Help Creating or Updating Your Holiday Parenting Schedule?
If you and your co-parent are struggling to agree on holiday time, the family law attorneys at Weinberger Divorce & Family Law Group can help. We have extensive experience negotiating and drafting parenting plans that protect your rights and prioritize your children’s well-being.
Contact us today to schedule your confidential consultation.
FAQs: Holiday Parenting Plans in New Jersey
How does New Jersey law handle holiday parenting schedules?
Courts encourage parents to create customized plans that meet their family’s needs. If parents can’t agree, judges often order alternating holidays or split-day arrangements.
Can we change our existing holiday schedule this year?
Yes. You and your co-parent can modify your schedule by mutual agreement — ideally in writing. If disagreements persist, you can request mediation or a formal modification through the court.
What if my ex refuses to follow the holiday parenting plan?
Document each violation and contact your attorney. Repeated noncompliance can be addressed through court enforcement or modifications to the existing order.
Should children have input on the holiday schedule?
Depending on their age and maturity, it can be helpful to include their preferences. However, parents should make the final decision to ensure stability and fairness.
What if we celebrate different religious holidays?
New Jersey parenting plans often include provisions for both parents’ religious observances. Children should have the opportunity to celebrate each parent’s traditions.